Summer is HERE

I am so so excited about summer. My brother has a boat, and he has invited us to the lake next Sunday. Granted, we are going to be driving to Clark's Hill (an hour away), but it will be worth it getting to ride around and go fishing.

My boss has planned a week off in August that is perfect too. Brianna's birthday is August 6th and the vacation starts on the 8th, the day I plan her party. Speaking of which, I am not sure where to have her party. I was thinking just a little park somewhere and let the kids play, like Heritage Park in Simpsonville. I can get a table by the play area for $50 I think. Nothing special, just sandwiches, chips and cake! I need to start keeping up with other kids' birthdays. I feel bad not getting birthday gifts for my friends' kids. I have a birthday book, and I better start keeping up with it.

I have a garden and I ate my first little cucumber from it the other day. It was so cute. I have tomatoes, squash, banana pepper, cucumber, and watermelon. I am so excited. It's doing good so far. Will have a crop rolling in soon...I hope.

I need to...

1) Update my blog more often
2) Stop being so scared to take a leap of faith (will explain more later)
3) Go to church more...
4) Stop worrying about other people
5) stop whining about whining...and do something about my life

1)
a. I started a blog just so I could let everyone know what goes in my life. Obviously it's not that important or interesting cause I never update it. Most people would think that it's really busy and that's why I don't update it. Quite the opposite.

2)
a. I am always scared to get out and meet new people, scared of what they will think of me. I am super paranoid and live off acceptance way more than I should.
b. I need to tell a few people how I really feel. It sucks holding feelings in and for most of you who know me, I usually do not ever do that. It's in my list of "do not's".
c. I really need to find a career. Not just a job...don't get me wrong, I love my job. The women I work with are great and such a blessing to me and my walk with Christ, but I need something with benefits and some kind of retirement plan. I do want to retire one day.

3)
a. I've been invited to 2 different churches and have not gone from fear of rejection. Seems like all the churches I have been to in the past 10 years have done just that. Rejected me. More now than ever since I have Brianna as a single mom, never married.
b. That goes back to the scared to meet new people subject. I really am. I have a great singing voice, play guitar and have a lot to offer. I just can't get up enough courage to get out there.

4)
a. I worry too much about what others think, but mostly what they are doing. I know someone who was very involved in my life and I still keep up with them even though they are not in my life anymore. I feel like a stalker but at the same time, I have not come to accept that they are not around anymore. sucks.

5)
a. Doing something with my life as far as occupation, Brianna and losing weight. I have lost 11 lbs in the past 2 weeks. I get in the depressed moods and feel like I have no friends and I eat chocolate. I love Chocolate!!!! I have no one to look good for. That would make all the difference in the world. But at the same time, I will never find someone to look good for, if I don't look good to start with. I proved that last week when I met this guy online and invited him to come to the salon to meet me and get a haircut. I never heard from him again. JERK! Anyway...I have did some self evals and nothing negative on my part has surfaced. I am tired of being tired.

Spreaking of tired...I took some Tylenol PM and I am sleepy. Maybe I can jot a little more in this and whatnot...later.

hugs and just hugs....
Lee